For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. Ephesians 5:31
I have never aspired to run a Marathon. Running for 26 miles is an incredible achievement that I may never arrive at. If I am not chasing after a ball (basketball, baseball, even a golf ball) it is difficult to want to run.
Marriage is a teaming up of two people for fulfilling God’s plan for the family. God ordained a man and woman to come together to form a new unit called and He even called them “one.” In marriage a couple can enjoy life, procreate children, and establish a home.
Mistrust, jealousy, and misunderstandings all create greater possibilities for divorce. The culture emphasizes “do what you want” in relationships to the neglect of honoring the spouse you have declared your commitment to. Notice how definitive this commitment is in Ephesians 5:31, For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. Two become one. That is real commitment.
This marriage commitment changes the daily lives of the couple. The physical, emotional, and spiritual beings that we are unite together in marriage. Becoming “one” could mean a man and woman now share the same e-mail accounts. It could be getting a new e-mail name that reflects your marriage union. It could be that all the social media platforms are shared or at least, both partners have password access to those accounts. These are just samples of how the concept of “two become one” could look in the media portion of a marriage. It takes commitment, trust, and humility for this. Just as a marathon requires intense commitment, so does marriage.
The following ideas are designed to help you start the Marathon of marriage and finish it. These “mile markers” that come along the road will not be achieved all at once. Your marriage is a marathon, not a sprint. Arriving at these identifiable marks will take time as well as teamwork.
Here are a few “mile markers” each couple should cross along their race to the finish line.
- The Cellphone Mile Marker. Back 20+ years ago, it was a big deal when a recently married couple got their first phone number. They were living separately and then the wedding day came and from that point on, they were happy to give out their new home address as well as their new home phone number.
Today, many couples opt to keep their cell phones without getting a new home landline. Many even keep their old phone numbers on their parent’s plans. This may seem harmless, but it is not the healthiest arrangement. If money is keeping the newlyweds from “joining” their cell phone accounts then they are misguided. The positive psychological effect of passing a mile marker together totally surpasses saving a few dollars on a bill.
- The Combining of Checking and Savings Accounts Mark. His and her credit cards or bank accounts are not a good idea. If a couple is “joining together” then they should do so financially as well. The love of money could cause the man or the woman not to commit to this idea. Money is never a good reason for not consolidating the interests of the man and the interests of the woman into one.
In the era of prenuptial agreements, lawyers and clerks who do not have the Bible conviction of marriage will say “save up for a break up.” The Christian should never look at his marriage as having the potential to fail. More times than not – it is the same love of money that becomes a sore spot and a symptom of hard hearts of people headed for divorce.
- The $1000 Savings Mile Marker. Many Christian Financial leaders recommend that a couple save up and have $1000 available as an emergency fund. I recommend you have this in cash, safely kept, yet available in the case of an emergency. Have you ever been to the store when the credit cards machines are “down.” If there is another disaster and power is lost, then having cash to buy needed supplies is a good idea.
An article I read recently suggested that with the combined debt of the citizenry of the United States that a person who has no debt and has a $10 bill in his pocket is richer than most folks. The point is- we should be saving money. Save money together. Look at ways to trim your expenses and then celebrate when you arrive at your $1000 goal.
- The Church Ministry Service Mark. Serving together in a ministry is a great team building exercise. Bus routes, Sunday School, and Youth Ministry are great places to serve together. The choir, special music, greeters, and sound /media production are all enriched by the service of competent couples working together. Embracing ministry together grows the husband and wife closer emotionally and spiritually and they may see their consistent labor bloom into viable fruit they can see.
- The Car Purchase Marker. Researching, deciding, and settling on a car can be nerve-wracking, but it can be an accomplishment for the couple to win in together. Driving the emotions of an item as big as a vehicle will cause great consideration in each spouse to reveal his or her thoughts. Avoiding research, neglecting mutual decisions, and not learning to “settle” on an issue like this can feed a common problem among couples: a lack of investment. A vehicle is a big deal, but it is not as big a deal as when you decided to get married. Avoiding big scenarios is a way of being ill prepared for bigger life challenges that a couple will encounter. By the way: the car does not have to be brand new. “New to you” at 2-3 years old is a great price point and will give you a vehicle with a lot of life left in it. A cash purchase of a nearly new vehicle is a terrific milestone in marriage.
- The House Purchase Mark. A historically important characteristic of freedom loving Americans is the opportunity to buy a house. Sometimes houses are inherited and sometimes spouses will live at the house the other had before they were married. It is helpful to visit, consider and purchase together. The victory of a house purchase and then paying off that purchase is monumental. It is a big mile-marker.
- The Giving Mile Marker. The Bible teaches that we labor in order to give. Ephesians 4:28 says, Let him that stole steal no more: but rather let him labour, working with his hands the thing which is good, that he may have to give to him that needeth. With your spouse, deciding to give large gifts to others or to church ministry can be very satisfying. I know several couples that have given away cars to friends, family, and church ministers. One couple has given 7-8 good vehicles to other people in recent years. They just were looking for ways to help others and to encourage some of God’s people. The result of your combined effort at work, saving, and living and bring about generous giving to the work of the Lord. This is a mile marker that starts with the basics of money discipline and bringing a tithe to God from your combined income. Start with the 10 percent and see how big of an impact you can make together in giving above and beyond to others and to the Lord.
Achieving something worthwhile takes time and teamwork. Your marriage is a marathon. Run the race of life together. Marathon marriages have been won the world over. Perhaps you know a couple or two who have raced their entire lifetime together. With God – all things are possible.